So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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