I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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