I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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