a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
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He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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