Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize