I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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