Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
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She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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