I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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