all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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