I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize