Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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