awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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