There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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