hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
organizing the empties. That sober.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize