Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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