she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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