I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
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I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
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I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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