I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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