I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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