maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
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I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
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The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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