I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
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so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
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I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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