What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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