I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
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i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
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We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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