i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
3pm strippers are depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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