Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize