I am in a vortex of obligation.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
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Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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