In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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