i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize