my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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