It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Bring me that man meat
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize