so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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