ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
it glows. i had to have it.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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