So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize