What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
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