We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
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I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
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We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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