as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
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she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
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This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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