i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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