I wish my penis had an off switch
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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