I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
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The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
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