I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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