i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize