So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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