If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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