It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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