i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I wear drunk well.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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