Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
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I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
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You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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