I understand why you refuse to be sober now
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
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He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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