I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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