I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
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I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
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I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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