nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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